There's an episode of 'How I met your mother' where Barney explains the concept of graduation goggles. This phenomenon occurs whenever you are going through a change in your life, a change like graduation. When you graduate either high school or college you may be sad because you think of all of the good memories, not all of the hard work, sleepless nights, and even tears. You are sad to leave it all behind and have a fresh start, although that has been the end goal the entire time.
This phenomenon explains why people cannot seem to make long term relationships work. When you are single, you long to be loved and to love someone else. You want the snuggles and the kisses and the dates. You want the amazing trips together and brunch on Sunday. You want to escape your single lifestyle.
Whenever you actually get into a relationship you do get to experience these things! You get to feel all of these amazing emotions and make all of these beautiful memories. This will wear off though, whether it takes 2 months, 6 months or even a year. The original flame and the original spark wears off. You begin feeling comfortable. The relationship begins to feel normal and regular.
This is when people choose to walk away. They want the new and exciting experience of a relationship, but do not want the comfortable and real part of one. They reminisce on being single and think that it was such a freeing and fun experience because of their graduation goggles. They remember the amazing girls nights they had and the first dates they went on. They forget the lonely nights though when they wanted someone to just be there and let them know that everything was going to be alright. They forget the Valentine's days they spent on the couch watching a movie alone or even the date nights with friends where they were the fifth wheel.
Truth is, relationships are boring sometimes. You and your boyfriend/girlfriend are together daily and just living your lives. You work, clean, take care of each other and sometimes the magic is not always there. Your heart doesn't skip a beat with every kiss and you wear old sweatpants to dinner. You do not need to make every single moment memorable or magical because you are supposed to be best friends and love each other through everything.
There are days where I cannot stand my fiance, but when i get into bed I still make him snuggle me because even when I don't like him I still love him. There are even days whenever I think to myself that being single would be sort of fun, but then I would just be out there looking for exactly what I already have.
I am of course no relationship expert, but who is? Who is to say that anyone knows exactly how to act whenever they are in a relationship or how a relationship should be day to day, My advice to anyone who seems to think there's no one out there for them is to take a chance. Sometimes you find love in unexpected places and with unexpected people. When you are finally in a long term relationship remember that the grass is not always greener.
She is not your friend
When I think of an abusive relationship, I think of a romantic relationship. But you can have an abusive relationship with a friend too! Friends can verbally and mentally abuse you the same way that your significant other can. They can tear you down just to ensure you will never have the courage to part with them. They can make you feel like they're the most amazing friend and there's no one else will ever be as good of a friend as them.
If she never has anything nice to say about the way you dress, your hair, makeup, or anything about you. If she makes fun of your weight, either calling you too large or too skinny. If she makes you feel as though your ass or even boobs are too large or too small. She is NOT your friend.
If she makes you feel like your boyfriend/husband is unattractive or beneath you, If she belittles you so that you are afraid to take a chance or pursue a dream. If she tells everyone your business and secrets. She is NOT your friend.
If she listen only to speak. If she acts like she is better than you because she has more money, a nicer house and car, or a better job. If she critiques you in order to make you feel self conscious. She is NOT your friend.
If she consistently ignores your texts and calls. If she can never make time to spend with you or keep the plans you make. She is NOT your friend.
Women (most women at least) won't allow a man to belittle them or treat them like crap, but some woman allow their friends to treat them like garbage. A good friend wouldn't say something that is going to hurt your feelings (unless they're telling you that your boyfriend is cheating or something along those lines). Your friends should lift you up when you are feeling low and always have your best interest in mind.
Know when to walk away and cut ties with someone who is trying to hold you back. If they've been your friend for a few months or 10 years, it does not matter! Some people are so unhappy and miserable with themselves that they only want to make others feel as horrible as they do.
Have you ever noticed that when good things start happening to you, toxic people will begin to become jealous and attempt to ruin your happiness? They cannot just be genuinely happy for you because they are too focused on tearing you down. They are so unhappy with their own lives and instead of trying to do better, they want you to do/be less so they do not feel so terrible.
Recently I have had a lot of positive things happen to me. My Etsy shop is doing amazing and is growing really fast and my fiance and I just planned a dream vacation to the Bahamas and Miami. On top of getting engaged and buying a house late last year, I feel like I am on top of the world! Yes,I want to discuss all these amazing things with the people who are supposed to love me and be my friends, because they're new and exciting. Unfortunately, some people will never have your best interest in mind or be capable of being genuinely happy for you. They listen only so they can eventually talk.
Those people are toxic! You should not have to hide your happiness or excitement in order to appease someone else. You should be able to openly share all the goals you are accomplishing without fearing that someone will become angry at you for doing so.
As of this moment I am done letting toxic people bring me down. I am done letting someone control my emotions simply because they are unable to find their own happiness. I (and you) am allowed to be happy. I am allowed to brag and talk about things that I have accomplished and the things that I experience. I am not the issue, the toxic people that creep into my life are my issue.