Dear mom

When I was young I loved you so much. I was so attached to you at all times and can even remember when I hated going to school simply because I did not want to leave you. I thought you were the coolest mom in the entire world!

You were an amazing mother. You cleaned and did laundry, made home cooked meals, and were so loving. I have so many memories of you swimming with us and teaching us to cook. You would even make obstacle courses for us in the back yard during the summer so that we had something fun to do since we never really had money to go out and do things.

Somewhere, somehow, something changed inside of you though. After you and dad separated you became someone that I did not recognize. Maybe you were always this person and I had never realized because I was too young. Maybe losing the person you love sent you into a downward spiral and you just did not know what to do in order to return to normal.

To this day, you claim you do not have a drinking problem. You claim that you only drink because "it helps you sleep". But any parent who chooses to buy alcohol over shampoo or laundry detergent has a problem. Any parent that degrades their child for no reason, has a problem. Any parent who keeps their child up at all hours of the night because they are out of control, has a problem.

I  have not seen you in 7 months. I have been engaged for 6 months and you have not even seen my ring, nor do you ask me how wedding planning or dress shopping is going, I call you sometimes, but you usually do not listen to much of anything I say and you always seem distracted. You don't really seem to want anything to do with me or any knowledge of what goes on in my life.

Sometimes I see other girls with their moms and I wish that I could just trade places with them. It's not because I do not love you or because I do not want to have a relationship with you, it is because I am tired of attempting to have a relationship with someone who doesn't want a relationship with me.

I want to have a mom who has encouraging things to say to me and real advice to offer whenever I am going through a rough time. I want a mom who takes me to lunch just because she wants to see me or who even knows where I live. I want a mom who calls me and texts me every single day to see how my day is going, I want a mom who still cares enough to get me a gift for Christmas or my birthday. I want a mom!

I still hope you will somehow return to who you were so many year ago, but I am beginning to doubt it. Until then I will remain hopeful.

Dear Twin
Sometimes we fight, sometimes we laugh, and sometimes we cry. Some days we see eye to eye and some days we can't even agree on a place to eat. Some days I wish you did not exist, others I could not imagine my life without you in it.

You are my twin. You have been through everything with me, from getting our drivers licenses to graduation and starting college. We grew up sharing more than just a birthday, we shared everything (even when we did not want to) because we were always 'the twins'. We shared a bedroom, a car, clothes, friends, etc. Sometimes I hated that we were forced to do everything together, but now you have become my security blanket. Now I love when we get to do things together and make memories.
 
Over the years we have had many different phases of our relationship. The periods of time when we were inseparable and always did everything together. The “I hate your face, voice, and everything about you” period of time where I basically lived at a friend’s house so I did not have to be around you. We always get back to our original and best state though, which is when we are best friends.
 
As we grew into adulthood we fell into our permanent roles. I am the motherly one, whereas you are the one who needs a mother, so to speak. You lean on me in ways that our other siblings do not. I make appointments for you or phone calls when you aren’t sure what to say, I sometimes write emails to your professors, and even call you to make sure you are up on time.

You do a lot for me though too, even if it doesn't always seem like it. You always agree to go to Hobby Lobby and Target with me, even though you know I probably won't buy anything. You always have a lent roller whenever my clothes are covered in dog fur and hair ties when I need one. You play with my dogs every time you are at my house and accept them as your niece and nephew.

You know every story I tell from my childhood, because you experienced it right alongside me.  You know all of my likes and dislikes and my pet peeves. You know how I got the scar on my forehead and how I fractured my toe.
 
We still have so much more to experience together in the future. We will stand by each others side someday when we get married. We will watch each other start families and careers. We will be able to experience major changes together and even apart, but you should know that without a doubt I will always be here, likewise you will always be there for me too.


 

Dear Boyfriend

There was a time when I believed I would never find a man whose personality could complement mine. A man who would understand my sarcasm, yet know when it was time to take something serious. A man who would not take everything to heart when something was meant to be harmless. A man who loves with everything he has, but is not clingy or jealous. And a man who can see a bright and happy present and future.

There was a time when you were someone who was a stranger to me. Someone that I could pass in the store and not even acknowledge. Someone who I didn't worry or dream about. You did not cross my mind dozens of times each day or wiggle your way into almost every thought I have about my future.

There was a time when I did not consider your likes or dislikes before preparing a meal. I did not wonder if your day at work was going well or what time you would finally get home. Nor did I care if your work clothes got cleaned. Your days off were not something I took into consideration before picking up a shift or making plans with other people.

There was a time where my future consisted of just myself. I considered only what I wanted and where I someday hoped to be. I considered my likes and dislikes and the things that make my life fulfilling. My sole purpose was to take care of my own well-being.

There was a time before you when I did not know that there were people as kind as you, because you really are the nicest and most understanding person I have ever met.  A time when I did not know how encouraging someone could be. I did not know how caring someone could be. I did not know how considerate someone could be. You have showed me so many things though.

I could write an entire book containing the many things I love about you, but that would likely become boring. So a letter of appreciation will have to do for now. Keep doing all that you do because you are an amazing man.